There are many complexities in this small piece of land, that honestly, sometimes I don’t even know where to begin. But since the aim of my blog is to tell my personal experiences, I think it’s better to leave the politics and the conflicts to somebody else to write about.
In my last blog about hate and anti-Semitism, somebody made a comment and asked me where do I feel at home. This is not an easy question to answer, even I wrote my master’s thesis about it, and still I am not sure how to define exactly where is my home. Nevertheless, two weeks ago on the flight from Amsterdam to Tel Aviv, I was thinking about this and was curious to know how I will feel this time when I am going back home, after living almost 2 years in the Netherlands.
So now, after two weeks at my parents’ place, I can say in one word, that I am just confused, It feels like I am not here and not there. When I think about the notion of ‘home’ I immediately think about the famous cliché that ‘home is where your heart is’. Well, this complicated my feelings even more, since my heart is always of course with my parents and my brother in Israel, my grandparents, my family and friends… but at the same time my heart is always with my partner in the Netherlands, so where is my home?
There is no doubt that I belong to Israel much more than to the Netherlands, I am Israeli and will always be, and after only 2 years living in the Netherlands, I am not Dutch. But at the same time, I can’t ignore it that with time I feel less Israeli, because I am sharing less Israeli experiences , and sometimes I wonder could I live here again? Am I rootless? Some people told me that this kind of feeling is not necessarily a negative one, and that I should see the advantage in my situation, which is the fact that I can be everywhere, able to learn to live in different places, and to get used to new situations in life.
What do you think? I believe that with time things will look differently, this immigration experience is still new, and in its first stages. You should ask me this question again in a few years, then we can see, if in the future will I be less confused?
With these thoughts in mind, I continue my holiday in the land of pain, sorrow, wars, but also moments of joy. Let’s all hope better days in this small piece of land in the Middle East, and for peace to come one day. Enjoy the end of the summer!
Reporting from Israel,
Ronie.
